You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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