i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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