drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
