i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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