Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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