I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
