Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
