Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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