I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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