Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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