I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
