and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My ass is underappreciated
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
