i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He better not be in your backpack
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
