I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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