So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder