I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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