i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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