I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
