My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
