This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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