I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
