Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
