Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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