I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
