Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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