Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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