I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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