It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
