I just threw up on my dentist
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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