i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
