So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
