I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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