Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize