I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
