To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
