dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
