Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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