So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
