Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
