if i died would you start the facebook group?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
