I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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