So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
