The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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