every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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