I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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