I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
