Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
