just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
