Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
