just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize