I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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