So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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