She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
