You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Enjoy the penises
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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