I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
