Non-Jews are for practice
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
