the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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