My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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