Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
