duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
