K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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