dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
