M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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