I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
