Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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