Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
