areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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