I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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