He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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